The last couple of days we have been getting our work done here (or there), and then heading over to the library to... game. I'm not sure why it's worked out this way, but it's been like this unspoken "thing" we've been honoring. So around 2pm we hop in the truck and go to the library to tag the Wii as "ours" before the Highschoolers get there. We have a Wii here at the house, it's just more fun at the library for some reason.
It's a great escape for us to unwind at the library. These colder days we'll go and spend afternoon hours searching shelves, and with a stack of books, a drink and a snack we'll scour through our treasures while sitting in an overstuffed comfy chair. We like to hang around in a kind of stasis from the outside world until ...well, until Lea walks over and meets us after school or when we're ready to leave, I guess. Steven likes to play games, I prefer to read, but he also likes for me to drop my books and grab a controller and play with him. And sometimes I do that. Even though I don't like the Wii as much as a PS2 or 3.
I was thinking about something yesterday while I sat there waiting for my turn to Mario Party with Peach. I was thinking about how much Steven appreciates my company and how much I'm grateful for his. I wonder often why it is I don't seem to need the socialization of my peers as much as other people, but it's finally occurred to me it's not that, I don't think. I think it's that I weigh my choices, and for now I'm so acutely aware of Steven's growing and going that I want to be present to him as much as he allows and wants. I recognize so intensely the movement of time and the fading of it that I can barely make out the shadow of the moment as it whooshes past me. I don't want to miss anything.
Now, here is a dilemma. Last night, Steven confronted me that I am not forceful enough or demanding enough with him. He needs a harsher mother to tell him what to do. He tells me that he thinks he is getting a cavity in a permanent tooth and that it is up to me to make him go into the bathroom and brush his teeth. He said that it would be best if I threaten him by taking away his DS or Legos. I said to him, "Steven, that's not really my way." He was like, "But Mom, you have to do this. You have to MAKE me brush my teeth or I won't do it. You have to yell at me and make me scared of you. Like at Tae Kwon Do where they yell at us if we don't do something we're supposed to." I said, "But I would think that if you don't want cavities then you'd want to brush your teeth. I mean, like, all on your own." He was shaking his head, "But that's not how it works, Mom." I said, "Ok." Then I said,"So, are we ready to read together now?" He shrugged, "Sure." I was like, "Did you brush your teeth?" He replied, "No." And so I went, "Well, go brush and we'll read." Steven said, "Ok, be right back." Meanwhile, I'll work on some ideas to pull out of my threat pocket for the next time he balks.