Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sometimes you write about nothing
because nothing is all you have
This is easy to explain
In that the other day
I was trying to imagine my own mind
And what came to me was the image of my brain
Several sections of it’s matter
Appeared as blank splotches
Like empty, dark water

I was saddened because I thought to myself
That these are perhaps the areas
of the things
I can no longer remember
And will never recollect again
I countered more hopeful, “Maybe one day I might make a good Buddhist.”
Mindlessness being a virtue

The past, the present,
names, faces,
times, places,
words, memory
drop from the synapses pattern
and plop into the blank spots
drowned in emptiness of the forgotten

Maybe this is what death is like.

Perhaps this is a harbinger to death
A symbol of our certain demise
An untested aspect of biology
An intelligent trigger latent
And ancient
That makes the coming sleep easier to accept.

Dendrites shrivel like tulip stamen
after the season has passed
Brain cells are bubbles
blown to heaven rising
that pop
Dissipating all their energy
released by a common pressure
and gone

Drawing a blank
“I don’t remember”
Or “I can’t recall”
Is a more like a quieting

And less nostalgia
Create a simpler exit

It is not just an ending of memory
These images of silent black puddles
But perhaps it’s a source of ease:
Worry unwrought
Beauty unheld
Expectation undone
Life unfilled


  1. The idea that someone has started the procedure of shutting down engines, one after another - that's what makes it scary.

  2. I don't think I could ever imagine that :)

  3. Karen,
    I'm so happy you found me. I've been thinking of you and wondering if I could find you. I even went back and opened up one of my old blogs in hopes that you might look for me again. There's nothing like finding an old friend. I wondered if you had really given up online life after all. I can't wait to read through this place.

  4. Well, neither could I. But I read an article the other day about neural development and how short term memory begins to deteriorate after 40 :)

  5. Well, I guess I meant the idea that 'someone' shuts us down. It seems so ...totalitarian :).

    I don't mind the idea of the natural process. I think it seems very civilized, in a way :).


    Bella! I looked and looked and do you know what I finally decided to use? "The Brother." How you call your brother "The Brother?" Along with some other key words, he led me to you :)

    The blog here started out as Steven's blog, but I was writing on a pad of paper and not saving it anywhere, so I switched it around. So great you came over! I'll be by today, I took the day off :)

  6. The process made me think of a pilot after a flight - you know, how they throw the switches, one after another, to shut down the engines?

    It's programmed in our genes, that might be understood as totalitarian, I suppose. Maybe that's what nature is like.

  7. I think I've misunderstood. You wrote the comment about it being "someone" and it being "scary." So, I assumed you meant the idea that a higher power makes a rational decision to end our time here. In my opinion, that WOULD be scary :)

  8. There is precious little time...I want to remember every moment and am disappointed and frustrated when I am unable to do so. I guess the best that we can hope for as we slip through our time here...wandering through our minds is that we enjoy each and every moment...that we cherrish our time together so that we can be comforted with the thought that we did the best that we could and made the most of what we have even when we can't remember all of it. <3